ION iCade
Who said arcade gaming is dead? Actually, I’m not sure anybody said that, but if they did, it’s not; because arcade gaming is not only not dead, but now it can also be not dead in your very own home.
Besides, if anybody did say arcade gaming is dead, it might be because arcades are vile places full of smelly children and melted ice-cream. Hey, maybe your own home is full of smelly children and melted ice-cream too, but I’m not judging or anything. My home is full of cat litter and pizza crumbs.
Uh, where was I? Oh hey, look at this rad iPad arcade cabinet!
Not pictured: smelly children, melted ice-cream, cat litter, pizza crumbs, dead hookers. Wait, who said anything about dead hookers?
Spy Net Ultra Night-Vision Goggles
Let’s be honest here, everybody secretly wants to be a covert ops agent. Or just, you know, surreptitiously spy on the neighbours. From inside their own kitchen cupboards. These goggles feature both day and night vision modes, and photo / video capture for extra surveillance evidence. Don’t get subpoenaed without it!
But don’t get arrested with it.
Wild Planet Lazer Tripwire
If you’re going to be spying on the neighbours, you’ll also need some sort of early warning perimeter defences. I mean, that’s just common sense. It’s also useful for people who want to browse Reddit without anybody catching them doing it. Which is pretty much everybody, isn’t it?
Um. Oh. Hi! I was just, uh… shopping for your Xmas present.
Pacman Ghost desk lamp
If you get really bored, you could even leave a trail of biscuit crumbs through the house, and then pretend it’s chasing you. If it does actually chase you, you might want to consider a psychiatric evaluation.
For Xmas this year, Santa brought mommy the gift of madness.
USB missile launcher
We’ve all had that fight about who’s going to take out the garbage or cook dinner or clean up the cat vomit at the top of the stairs that’s been there for two weeks now, and you said you’d take it out four days ago. You know, it’s the one that starts out sort of part joke, part not-joke, then turns into an argument, then a lot of shouting, and finally a declaration of all-out nuclear war. That escalated quickly. This USB-powered missile launcher probably won’t resolve things one way or another, but wouldn’t it look cool on your desk?
Before your future ex sets your desk on fire, anyway.
USB mini fridge
Remember, you’re your own best bartender, because you’ll never say stuff like “You’ve had too much”, and “Your drinking is scaring the kids”, and “Thish ish it, I’m going to break all the poshtboxshes in the neighber…neighbur… neighBOOUURRRRGHHHHHHHNNNGGG”. Actually, you might say that last one, but your USB mini fridge will keep on keeping those drinks cold and conveniently close by anyway.
Nishe.
Remote-controlled Batmobile
It’s a remote-controlled Batmobile. You don’t require any additional information.
It’s the toy you need and deserve.
Ultimate Useless Machine
It doesn’t do anything even remotely constructive or interesting, which makes this the perfect passive-aggressive gift for that one weirdo in your office that everybody avoids because of that thing that happened that one time at the water cooler. Unless that’s you. In which case, buy it for yourself, and be the joke at your own expense! That’s so meta, man.
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