So, like. Yeah. I’m totally not going to rAge this weekend and stuff. ‘Cuz. I mean, it’s totally got nothing to do with the fact that my stupid friend that I usually stay with decided to move out of Joburg because he’s stupid. Besides, it’s not like Gears of War 3 is going to be on show, anyway. So there. Whatever.

…

;_;

So instead of hustling unsuspecting, over-confident teens over at the Guitar Hero 6: Warriors of Rock stand, abusing my media pass to get free booze in the hospitality suite, and trying to kick Michael James off his Segway, I’ll be crying all over my face and doing this stuff instead.

1. Grabbing Planescape: Torment from GOG.com

Since launching in back whenever it launched, GOG.com has existed for just one true, secret purpose, and that was to bring Planescape: Torment back into the world at the appointed hour. Out on a windswept crag somewhere, a great, scarred wolf has turned its eyes to a clouded dusk, and howled its outrage to the bitter winter moon (10 sonic dmg). 

That hour, my children, is upon us. For those philistines out there who’ve never heard of it, Planescape: Torment is the greatest RPG ever made, ever ever. Except for Fallout 2, obviously. It’s going at just $9.99, and if you don’t buy it, you’ll die alone. 

2. Playing the new Borderlands DLC

Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution! It’s the name that instantly makes you love whatever it is. How could something called “Claptrap’s New Robot Revolution” not be something you’re going to love forever and ever? It’s got claptraps, robots, and a whole revolution. Actually, apparently it’s a bit rubbish, but it’s not like I have standards or anything. I own a PSP!

3. Getting back to half-finished games I’ve just about forgotten I actually own

Let’s see. Metro 2033, two of those Fallout 3 DLC expansions, Sam & Max: Season 2, Penny Arcade Adventures Episode 2, Prince of Persia, Monkey Island 2: LeChuck’s Revenge Special Edition, GTA: Chinatown Wars, Dragon Quest: The Hand of the Heavenly Bride, and… Mirror’s Edge. I still haven’t finished Mirror’s Edge. 

Or Super Mario Galaxy.

Or Grim Fandango.

Someone, anyone, please. Tell me you’ve got one more shameful than Grim Fandango.

4. Going outside 

Actually, I just put that one there as a joke. 

5. Not playing Minecraft

Seriously. I’m not going to do it. I won’t. I… I don’t want to build all sorts of awesome stuff and then defend it from monsters. Even though there’s a free-to-play version available. Over here, www.minecraft.net. I’m not clicking that, I’ve got all this other stuff to do already. I-

Missing rAge this year? Commiserate with others.