Farming Simulator 2013 review (PC)

It should be clear to any reader that this kind of review needs to take various points into consideration, and while this is certainly true in the broader sense… oh sod it, I didn’t want to be a game reviewer. I didn’t want to rabbit on all day about the Unreal Engine and Playable Betas. I wanted to be… a farmer!

Dungarees on, grass stalk planted firmly between my teeth and straw hat angled rakishly over one eye, I cracked open Farming Simulator 2013, ready to have my wheat vigorously shucked. And then I went and upgraded my graphics card so I could play (yes, really – I don’t want to talk about it).

The latest Farming Simulator romp from Giants Software is certainly nothing to be scoffed at. If you take a quick look at the charts, the total sales figure stands at round 470,000 (From VGChartz.com – 09/11/2012) which is a decent slice of a pie that is usually dominated by titles like Assassins Creed and Football Manager.

Starting in the idyllic hamlet of Hagenstedt, you’re treated to a relaxing 5 minute walk to the start of your career. Nothing to trouble you here besides bird song, blue skies and more nature than you can shake a stick at. Everything conspires to lull you into a relaxed frame of mind when suddenly, you’re thrown right into the heavy action of a combine harvester and are forced to brutally harvest your very first field.

High octane farming thrills

The story is simple and as old as time itself; boy gets Farm, Farm gets ploughed by boy, boy sells Farm’s crops, Farm gets ploughed by boy. With that kind of plot magnificence, it’s easy to see why the storyline takes a back-seat to all the hardcore farming.

The world itself is lovingly rendered and while the textures could certainly use some work, it’s great to see a mostly open design that goes on for kilometres and kilometres of verdant fields. Where they’ve skimped on the ground textures and the human models, the farming implements themselves are given the royal treatment with every bolt, axle and tyre tread faithfully reproduced.

Given the hundreds of hours that must have gone into making sure the Lamborghini R4.110 Italia has just the right amount of chrome, it’s easy to understand why all the human models have wooden murder-faces and walk like they’re being pulled along by their heads. The folks at Giants Software certainly believe in freedom of choice and they’ve spared no expense to give you every possible choice.

Want to increase your livestock through Animal Husbandry? No problem (we don’t judge). Want to play it safe and invest all your hard-earned cash in new machinery? Go right ahead, the world is your salt lick.

Impress all the ladies in the local hamlet with your giant tools of the trade

Although there are missions within the game itself, they are invariably either lugging something big across the town or mowing grass, so they’re really not much to write home about. The fact that you don’t have the equipment to actually perform them until much later in the game doesn’t really help.

Multiplayer and mods are where the game really begins to shine – the Steam Forums are filled to the brim with hopeful green-thumbs joining forces to harvest the hell out of their little world. There are even 24/7 farms that are “hiring” and operate on dedicated hosting so that you never miss a second of your farm’s life.

It was only when I started to play with mods that I really began to enjoy myself. Because everything is XML these days, editing the Lambo Italia so that it really did go 900 miles an hour and weighed nothing was the work of a moment. Let me tell you, until you’ve launched a tractor into the ether above the world and driven a mower the size of a house, you haven’t lived.

Although I searched in vain for a Zombie mod (imagine charging a field of zombies with a combine harvester!), everyone involved in the community seems pretty set on making endless variations of Fahr tractors.

The bumper sticker says: “My other tractor is a CR9000”

If what you’re looking for is a nice relaxing eternity going up and down fields and occasionally collecting eggs from your chickens, this is the game for you. If you played Farming Simulator 2012 and 2011, you’re in the right place. If you’re a farmer and all you want after a long day mucking out the pigs is to sit on a tractor, I’d recommend this game in a heartbeat.

Farming Simulator does a passable impression of a decent game and as there’s not a lot of competition out there, is certainly top of its pool. The handsome price of $29.99 (±R260) is probably a little steep just to test but who knows, maybe there’s an agriculturalist inside you just waiting to get out.