Task any Star Wars fan with describing their ultimate geek fantasy and it would likely be to rip into a swarm of Darth Vader-lead droids, storm troopers, and Sith Lords with Yoda and the rest of the Jedi council at your side.

I was praying that Star Wars Kinect would be this title, but all it delivered was a loud and astounding “FAIL!”.

The force has been brutally mutilated to become the farce; through bad voice overs, the over- and under-use of rail-styled gaming and unresponsive controls, Star wars Kinect is just not game we wanted it to be.

Sadness leads to anger…

The bitter taste of this half-finished product first seeps into your system when you first encounter Yoda. His character’s appearance is extremely detailed – he looks like the Jedi master, and he moves like the Jedi master…unfortunately he sounds like the hybrid of an afternoon cartoon special and a 1970’s Kung-Fu movie voice over artist.

And, sadly, the same treatment has been given to Master Obi-Wan “Ewan McGregor” Kenobi and Master Mace “Samuel L. Jackson” Windu, as well.

All of the authentic Star Wars sounds are there except for the original voices; for a fan of the series, this is as blasphemous and insulting as the first three movies in the Star Wars trilogy (Episodes I, II and III, that is); however, it should be noted that, for casual gamers and children (the intended market) who are new to the series, this wont be such a factor.

As the game loads up you are met by C-3P0 and R2-D2; they have been put in charge of restoring the Jedi archives, which have fallen victim to, uh, ‘collateral damage’. C-3p0 and R2-D2 then proceed to  introduce you to the respective mini-games and provide a brief description there of.

Anger leads to hate…

The game is divided into 5 mini games, namely;

Jedi Destiny – Dark side rising

The “campaign mode” – if you can call it that – where you go through a rather watered-down tutorial, and then are introduced to the “story” where you have to fight through a cluster of light sabre-bearing enemies, and use the force to throw some unsuspecting clone droid/battledroids around.

On the upside, your movement here is restricted to fighting , walking through the level as your movement is controlled by the rail-system which moves you around for you.

Pod racing

Probably the mode that most fans will play and relate too – it’s also the second most responsive mode and least frustrating from a control perspective. Using your hands to control the racing pod is easier than I thought, and it became rather competitive and fun. It also has a mini campaign mode and should keep you occupied for at least an hour.

Galatic dance off

The most humiliating thing to happen to the Star Wars franchise since Hayden Christensen; this mode allows you to watch Han Solo and co. dance to some rather lame songs, as they pull of some of the most embarrassing dance moves seen in any of the galaxyies far far away.

Rancor rampage

The most entertaining mode in the game allows you to lay waste to a city as you romp around as a Rancor; Rancors were large carnivorous reptomammals native to the planet of Dathomi …according to wookeepedia. Sadly, the mode is hampered by unresponsive controls and frustrating goals. So nevermind, then.

Duel of fates

This mode allows you to have a one-on-one light sabre duel; it is pretty, but unresponsive – to the point that it becomes irritating. However, after about 10 minutes of attacking enemies, it becomes rather rewarding when you finally slice them in half with your light sabre.

The pretty side of the force

Visually, Star Wars Kinect is an interesting beast; there are times when you sit back and think “wow, fantastic!” – case in point, the textures and physics animation in the main campaign mode  Pod racing and Rancor Rampage. The UI for the main menu system is also very pretty, well-lit and somewhat responsive.

As for the rest, its rather dismal.

The Force has left us

This game is strictly for fans of the series who are parents. It should only ever be used as a tool to lure your children into the Star Wars realm.

As one of the more unresponsive games available for the Xbox 360 and Kinect, lets hope that Microsoft will tap into the force and figure out how to use their motion sensor so that a decent Star Wars experience can one day find its way to our consoles.