the JOKE thread

A scruffy young man was questioned by one of New York's finest for peddling dirty pictures. "But you're mistaken," said the kid. "These pictures aren't dirty."

Selecting one, the policeman said, "Do you mean to tell me this isn't a dirty picture?"

The young man responded, "Don't be such a prude, officer! Haven't you ever seen five people in love?""
 
When the usher noticed a man stretched across three seats in the movie theater, he walked over and whispered "Sorry sir, but you are allowed only one seat." The man moaned but didn't budge. "Sir," the usher said more loudly, "if you don't move, I'll have to call the manager." The man moaned again but stayed where he was.
The usher left and returned with the manager, who, after several attempts at dislodging the fellow, called the police. The cop looked at the reclining man and said, "All right, what's your name, joker?" "Joe", he mumbled. "And where are you from, Joe?" Joe responds painfully, "The balcony!"
 
There was this little guy sitting in a bar, drinking his beer, minding his own business when all of a sudden this great big dude comes in and
-- WHACK!! --
knocks him off the bar stool and onto the floor. The big dude says, "That was a karate chop from Korea." The little guy thinks "GEEZ," but he gets back up on the stool and starts drinking again when all of a sudden
-- WHACK!! --
the big dude knocks him down AGAIN and says, "That was a judo chop from Japan." So the little guy has had enough of this... He gets up, brushes himself off and quietly leaves. The little guy is gone for an hour or so when he returned. Without saying a word, he walks up behind the big dude and -- WHAM!!!" -- knocks the big dude off his stool, knocking him out cold!!! The little guy looks at the bartender and says, "When he gets up, tell him that's a crowbar from Sears.
#444
 
So my wife came up to me and said, "Take off my shirt." .... So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
 
BlaZing said:
A scruffy young man was questioned by one of New York's finest for peddling dirty pictures. "But you're mistaken," said the kid. "These pictures aren't dirty."

Selecting one, the policeman said, "Do you mean to tell me this isn't a dirty picture?"

The young man responded, "Don't be such a prude, officer! Haven't you ever seen five people in love?""
Click to expand...

hahahaha, i can imagin this being a true life story
 
Die drie fases van 'n mens se lewe

'n Gesin sit een aand aan vir aandete. Tydens die ete vra die peuter van 'n seun vir sy pa: "Pa, hoeveel soorte borste is daar by vrouens?"
Die pa is nogal onkant betrap deur die vraag, maar besluit om tog te antwoord.
'Wel, my seun, 'n vrou gaan deur 3 stadiums. In haar 20s is 'n vrou se borste soos suurlemoentjies, rond en ferm.'
Sy seun frons 'n bietjie, maar gou kry sy verbeelding die dinge bymekaar.
'In haar 30s en 40s is hulle soos pere: steeds baie mooi, maar hulle hang so bietjie na onder.'
Die seuntjie wil-wil glimlag, maar hy hou sy mond reguit en vermy oogkontak met sy ma en susters.
Sy pa gaan voort: 'En na 50 is hulle soos uie.'
'Uie?' vra die kind.
'Ja, hulle maak jou huil as jy hulle sien.'

Uiteraard is sy vrou en dogters baie ontsteld hieroor. Die oudste dogter wil haar pa terugkry en vra haar ma:
'Ma, hoeveel soorte ietermagoggies het mans?'
Die ma snap dadelik wat die dogter wil doen. Sy glimlag en antwoord:
'Wel my kind, 'n man gaan ook deur 3 stadiums.
In sy 20s is sy ietermagoggies soos 'n eikeboom, magtig en hard.
In sy 30s en 40s is dit 'n bietjie soos 'n wilgerboom: buigsaam maar tog betroubaar.'
Die oudste dogter se tande is al sigbaar soos die glimlag begin deurbreek.
'Maar in sy 50s is dit soos 'n Kersboom.'
''n Kersboom?'
'Ja, dood van die wortels af op en die balletjies is net vir blote versiering.'
 
Every morning when the English teacher came to the Afrikaans students to give them an English lecture she greeted them as follows; "Good morning class!" and every time only one boy would get up out of the whole class to greet the teacher in return.
This happened time and again until she decided to call him up to her desk and ask him loud enough for everyone to hear:
"Why is it that every time I greet the whole class, only you stand up to greet me?"
He replied to the teacher in English:
"It are 'cause I are the only person here what's name are Klaas!"
 
1. The serial killer and his victim are walking through
a dark scary bush. "I'm scared" says the victim. "You think you scared"
says the killer, "I have to walk back alone."


2. Two blondes chatting : Blonde 1: "I went for a
pregnancy test." Blonde 2: "Were the questions difficult?"


3. Johnny swears a lot. The priest asks him if he's not
scared of meeting Satan. Johnny says "You the one that must be scared,
you talk sh*t about him every Sunday."
 
Twelve Italian priests were about to be ordained.
The final test was for them to line up in a straight row, totally nude, in a garden while a sexy, beautiful, big breasted, nude model danced before them.

Each priest had a small bell attached to his weenie, and they were told that anyone whose bell rang when she danced in front of them would not be ordained because he had not reached a state of spiritual purity.

The beautiful model danced before the first candidate with no reaction.
She proceeded down the line with the no response from all the priests until she got to the final priest, Carlos.

Poor Carlos. As she danced, his bell began to ring so loudly that it flew off, clattering across the ground and laid to rest in nearby foliage.

Embarrassed, Carlos quickly scrambled to where the bell came to rest. He bent over to pick it up...

and all the other bells started to ring.
 
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