the JOKE thread

A man comes home from a day of golf. The wife asks "How was the golf?"

"Oh it was terrible. John died on the 9th hole. He just...died!!"

"Oh my god! Thats horrible!" She said.

"Yeah I know. The whole day it was "Play the shot, drag John, Play the shot, drag John"
 
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?
 
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." "I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes" exclaims Watson. "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson ponders for a minute. "Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?" "Watson, you idiot!" He exclaims, "Somebody's stolen our tent."
 
This is my favourite joke of all time:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
 
An old lady goes to the dentist...

She hops on the chair, pulls down her panties and lifts her legs...

Dentist says : "What are you doing? Im not a gynocologist"

Old lady replies: "I know, i need my husbands teeth back"
 
A teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat
things.
The first little boy says, "Alligator."
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy says, "Predator."
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."
The third boy says, "Vibrator, Miss."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word, but
it
doesn't eat anything."
"Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no
tomorrow!"
 
wizdumb said:
a teacher asks the class to name things that end with 'tor' that eat
things.
The first little boy says, "alligator."
"very good, that's a big word."
the second boy says, "predator."
"yes, that's another big word. Well done."
the third boy says, "vibrator, miss."
after nearly falling off her chair, she says, "that is a big word, but
it
doesn't eat anything."
"well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no
tomorrow!"
Click to expand...

lol +1 :):d
 
Ron: "Jimmy, how's that new game Darksiders?"
Jimmy: "Pretty cool, but you can't customise the main character's appearance."
Ron: "So, what you saying is that War, War never changes?"
 
picture.php
 
patience said:
A man went in for a Brain transplant operation and was offered a choice of two brains by the surgeon. He could choose either the Architect's brain which would cost him £10,000 or the Politician's which was £100,000.

"Does that mean that the politician's brain is much better than the Architect's?" exclaimed the clearly puzzled man.

"not exactly" replied the surgeon, "the politician's has never been used."
Click to expand...

SPam bot alert. He is trying to sell us brians:eek:
 
eskimo said:
This is my favourite joke of all time:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."
Click to expand...

thats funny :D
 
There was a chicken and a horse playing together in a barnyard.
Suddenly the horse falls into a pit. He yells to the chicken, "Go get
the farmer, save me, save me!!!!"
The chicken goes looking for the farmer but can't find him. So he gets
the farmer's BMW and drives it over to the mud pit, lassos the horse,
ties it to the car and pulls him out.
The Horse says, "Thank you, Thank you, I owe you my life." Then a couple
days later they're playing again and this time the chicken falls into
the mud pit and the chicken says, "Help me Help me!!! Go get the
farmer!!!"
So the horse says, "No! No! No!, I think I can get you." The Horse
stretches across the mud pit and tells the chicken, "Grab onto my
willy."
The chicken grabs on, the horse stretches back, and the horse saves the
chickens' life.

So what's the moral of the story?????
If you have a willy the size of a horse then you don't need a BMW to
pick up chicks...
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top