the JOKE thread

Why I Fired My Secretary...

Last Week Was My Birthday And I Didn't Feel Very Well Waking Up That
Morning.

I Went Downstairs For Breakfast Hoping My Wife Would Be Pleasant And
Say, "happy Birthday!", And Possibly Have A Present For Me.

As It Turned Out, She Barely Said Good Morning, Let Alone "happy
Birthday."


I Thought... Well, That's Marriage For You, But The Kids Will Remember.

My Kids Came Into Breakfast And Didn't Say A Word. So When I Left For
The Office, I Was Feeling Pretty Low And Somewhat Despondent.

As I Walked Into My Office, My Secretary Jane Said, "good Morning, Boss,
Happy Birthday!"

It Felt A Little Better That At Least Someone Had Remembered.

I Worked Until One O'clock And Then Jane Knocked On My Door And Said,
"you Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day Outside, And It's Your Birthday,
Let's Go Out To Lunch, Just You And Me."

I Said, "thanks Jane, That's The Greatest Thing I've Heard All Day.
Let's Go!"

We Went To Lunch. But We Didn't Go Where We Normally Would Go. We Dined
Instead At A Little Place With A Private Table. We Had Two Martinis Each
And I Enjoyed The Meal Tremendously On The Way Back To The Office, Jane
Said, "you Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day... We Don't Need

To Go Back To The Office, Do We?"

I Responded, "i Guess Not. What Do You Have In Mind?"

She Said, "let's Go To My Apartment."

After Arriving At Her Apartment Jane Turned To Me And Said, "boss, If
You Don't Mind, I'm Going To Step Into The Bedroom For A Moment. I'll Be
Right Back."

"ok." I Nervously Replied.

She Went Into The Bedroom And, After A Couple Of Minutes, She Came Out
Carrying A Huge Birthday Cake... Followed By My Wife, Kids, And Dozens
Of My Friends And Co-workers, All Singing "happy Birthday".

And I Just Sat There...



On The Couch...

Naked.......
 
A major company started auditing their users PC passwords.

Upon investigation it was found that a blonde woman had the password of.....

huey-duey-luey-goofy-mickey-miney-london

The asked why such a weird password, she replies

"I got told it has to be 6 characters and 1 captial"
 
_Caboose_ said:
Why I Fired My Secretary...

Last Week Was My Birthday And I Didn't Feel Very Well Waking Up That
Morning.

I Went Downstairs For Breakfast Hoping My Wife Would Be Pleasant And
Say, "happy Birthday!", And Possibly Have A Present For Me.

As It Turned Out, She Barely Said Good Morning, Let Alone "happy
Birthday."


I Thought... Well, That's Marriage For You, But The Kids Will Remember.

My Kids Came Into Breakfast And Didn't Say A Word. So When I Left For
The Office, I Was Feeling Pretty Low And Somewhat Despondent.

As I Walked Into My Office, My Secretary Jane Said, "good Morning, Boss,
Happy Birthday!"

It Felt A Little Better That At Least Someone Had Remembered.

I Worked Until One O'clock And Then Jane Knocked On My Door And Said,
"you Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day Outside, And It's Your Birthday,
Let's Go Out To Lunch, Just You And Me."

I Said, "thanks Jane, That's The Greatest Thing I've Heard All Day.
Let's Go!"

We Went To Lunch. But We Didn't Go Where We Normally Would Go. We Dined
Instead At A Little Place With A Private Table. We Had Two Martinis Each
And I Enjoyed The Meal Tremendously On The Way Back To The Office, Jane
Said, "you Know, It's Such A Beautiful Day... We Don't Need

To Go Back To The Office, Do We?"

I Responded, "i Guess Not. What Do You Have In Mind?"

She Said, "let's Go To My Apartment."

After Arriving At Her Apartment Jane Turned To Me And Said, "boss, If
You Don't Mind, I'm Going To Step Into The Bedroom For A Moment. I'll Be
Right Back."

"ok." I Nervously Replied.

She Went Into The Bedroom And, After A Couple Of Minutes, She Came Out
Carrying A Huge Birthday Cake... Followed By My Wife, Kids, And Dozens
Of My Friends And Co-workers, All Singing "happy Birthday".

And I Just Sat There...



On The Couch...

Naked.......
Click to expand...

:D:Dbwhahahahahahahahahahaahahahaahah
 
Ten Commandments of Gaming.

1: Gaming is The Lord thy God. Thou shalt not have outdoor activities before Thee.

2: Thou shalt not take the name of Code in vain.

3: Remeber thou keep holy the release dates.

4: Honnor thy Controller and thy Keyboard.

5: Thou shalt not frag... Without gloating in the aftermath.

6: Thou shalt not bitch nor whine when fragged.

7: Thou shalt not kill steal.

8: Thou shalt not use aimbot or maphacks.

9: Thou shalt not covet they teammate's Rocket Launcher.

10: Thou shalt not overclock without proper cooling.
 
[FONT=&quot]Colonoscopy
Journal:[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]I [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]called my friend Andy Sable, a gastroenterologist, to [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]make an appointment for a [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]colonoscopy.[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]A [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]go all over the place, at one point passing briefly [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]through [/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]Minneapolis[/FONT][FONT=&quot].[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Then [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]thorough, reassuring and patient [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]manner.[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]I [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]nodded thoughtfully, but I didn't really hear anything [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]he said, because my brain was shrieking, 'HE'S GOING [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]BEHIND!'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]I [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]left Andy's office with some written instructions, and [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]a prescription for a product called 'MoviPrep,' which [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]comes in a box large enough to [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]hold[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]a [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]never allow it to fall into the hands of [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]America[/FONT][FONT=&quot] 's [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]enemies.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]I [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]spent the next several days productively sitting [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]around being [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]nervous.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Then, [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]on the day before my colonoscopy, I began [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]my[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]preparation. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot] In accordance with my instructions, I didn't eat [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]any solid food that day; all I had was chicken broth, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]which is [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]basically[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]water, [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]only with less [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]flavor.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Then, [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]in the evening, I took the MoviPrep. You mix two [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]packets of powder together in a [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]one-liter[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]plastic [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]jug, then you fill it with lukewarm water.. (For those [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]unfamiliar with the metric system, a liter is about 32 [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]gallons). Then you have to drink the whole jug. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] This takes about an hour, because MoviPrep [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]tastes - and here I am being kind - like a mixture [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]of[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot] goat[/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]-spit[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]and urinal cleanser, with just a hint of [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]lemon..[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]The [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]instructions for MoviPrep, clearly written by somebody [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]with a great sense of humor, state that after you [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]drink it, 'a loose, watery bowel movement may [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]result.'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]This [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]is kind of like saying that after you jump off your [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]roof, you may experience contact with the [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]ground.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]MoviPrep [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]is a nuclear laxative. I don't want to be too graphic, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]here, but, have you ever seen a space-shuttle launch? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] This is pretty much the MoviPrep experience, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]with you as the shuttle. There are times when you wish [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]the commode had a seat belt. You spend several [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]hours pretty much confined to the bathroom, spurting [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]violently. You eliminate everything. And [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]then, when you figure you must be totally empty, you [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]have to drink another liter of MoviPrep, at which [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]point, as far as I can tell, your bowels travel into [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]the future and start eliminating food that you have [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]not even eaten yet.[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/FONT]
 
Part 2

[FONT=&quot]After [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]an action-packed evening, I finally got to [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]sleep.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]The [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]next morning my wife drove me to the clinic. I was [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]very nervous. Not only was I worried about the [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]procedure, but I had been experiencing occasional [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]return bouts of MoviPrep spurtage. I was [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]thinking, 'What if I spurt on Andy?' How do you [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]apologize to a friend for something like that? [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Flowers would not be [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]enough.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]At [/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]the clinic I had to sign many forms acknowledging that [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I understood and [/FONT][FONT=&quot]totally[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot] agreed[/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot] with whatever the heck the forms said. Then they led [/FONT][FONT=&quot]me to a room full of other colonoscopy people, where I [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]went inside a little curtained space and took off my [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]clothes and put on one of those hospital garments [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]designed by sadist perverts, the kind that, when you [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]put it on, makes you feel even more naked than when [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]you are actually [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]naked..[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Then [/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]a nurse named Eddie put a little needle in a vein in [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]my left hand. Ordinarily I would have fainted, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]but Eddie was very good, and I was already lying down. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] Eddie also told me that some people put vodka in [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]their MoviPrep. [/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]At[/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot] first I was ticked off that I hadn't thought of this, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]but then I pondered what would happen if you got [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]yourself too tipsy to make it to the bathroom, so you [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]were staggering around in full Fire Hose Mode. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] You would have no choice but to burn your [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]house.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]When[/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot] everything was ready, Eddie wheeled me into the [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]procedure room, where Andy was waiting with a nurse [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]and an anesthesiologist. I did not see the [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]17,000-foot tube, but I knew Andy had it hidden around [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]there somewhere. I was seriously nervous at this [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]point.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Andy [/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]had me roll over on my left side, and the [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]anesthesiologist began hooking something up to the [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]needle in my hand.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]There [/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]was music playing in the room, and I realized that the [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]song was 'Dancing Queen' by ABBA. I remarked to [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Andy that, of all the songs that could be playing [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]during this particular procedure, 'Dancing Queen' had [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]to be the least [/FONT][FONT=&quot]appropriate.[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]'You [/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]want me to turn it up?' said Andy, from somewhere [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]behind me.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]'Ha [/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]ha,' I said. And then it was tim e, the moment I [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]had been dreading for more than a decade. If you [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]are squeamish, prepare yourself, because I am going to [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]tell you, in explicit detail, exactly what it was [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]like.[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]I [/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]have no idea. Really. I slept through it. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] One moment, ABBA was yelling 'Dancing Queen, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]feel the beat of the tambourine,' and the next moment, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]I was back in the other room, waking up in a very [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]mellow mood.[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]Andy [/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]was looking down at me and asking me how I felt. [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot] I felt excellent. I felt even more [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]excellent when Andy told me that It was all over, and [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]that my colon had passed with flying colors. I have [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]never been prouder of an internal [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]organ.[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]On [/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]the subject of [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Colonoscopies...[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot][/FONT][/FONT]
 
Part 3

[FONT=&quot]Colonoscopies [/FONT][FONT=&quot][FONT=&quot]are no joke, but these comments during the exam were [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]quite humorous..... A physician claimed that the [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]following are actual comments made by his patients [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot](predominately male) while he was performing their [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]colonoscopies:[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]1. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]has gone before!'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]2. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'Find Amelia Earhart [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]yet?'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]3. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'Can you hear me [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]NOW?'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]4. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]yet?'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]5. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'You know, in Arkansas , we're now [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]legally married.'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]6. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'Any sign of the trapped miners, [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]Chief?'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]7. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'You put your left hand in, you take your left hand [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]out...'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]8. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'Hey! Now I know how a Muppet [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]feels!'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]9. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'If your hand doesn't fit, you must [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]quit!'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]10. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'Hey Doc, let me know if you find my [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]dignity.'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]11. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]you?'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]12. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'God, now I know why I am not [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]gay.'[/FONT]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]And the best one of [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]all:[/FONT][/FONT][FONT=&quot]

[/FONT][FONT=&quot]13. [/FONT][FONT=&quot]
[FONT=&quot]'Could you write a note for my wife saying that my [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]head is not up [/FONT]
[FONT=&quot]there?'[/FONT][/FONT]
 
Best firewall Ever ...

1. One human cell contains 75MB genetic information.

2. One sperm contains a half of that; that is 37.5MB.

3. One ml of semen contains 100 million sperms.

4. In average, ejaculation lasts for 5 sec and contains 2.25 ml semen.

5. This means that the throughput of a man's member is equal to (37.5MB x
100,000,000 x 2.25)/5 = 1 687 500 000 000 000 byte/second = 1,6875
Terabyte/sec

This means that the female egg cell withstands this DDoS attack at 1.5
terabyte per second, and only lets through one(!) data package, thereby
being the best freaking hardware firewall in the world!

The downside of it is that only THIS small data package that it lets
through, hangs the system for the whole of 9 months!
 
I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious She was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'
The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!''
 
McGuywer said:
I was at my bank today; there was a short line. Just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious She was a little irritated.
She asked the teller, 'Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?'
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, 'Fluctuations.'
The Asian lady says, 'Fluc you white people too!''
Click to expand...

Thats a good one. Those Asian folks arent good at English
 
Best Resignation letter ever ...

Dear Mr X,

As a graduate of an institution of higher education, I have a few very basic expectations. Chief among these is that my direct superiors have an intellect that ranges above the common ground squirrel. After your consistent and annoying harassment of my co-workers and me during the commission of our duties, I can only surmise that you are one of the few true genetic wastes of our time.

Asking me, a network administrator, to explain every little nuance of everything I do each time you happen to stroll into my office is not only a waste of time, but also a waste of precious oxygen. I was hired because I know how to network computer systems, and you were apparently hired to provide amusement to myself and other employees, who watch you vainly attempt to understand the concept of "cut and paste" for the hundredth time.

You will never understand computers. Something as incredibly simple as binary still gives you too many options. You will also never understand why people hate you, but I am going to try and explain it to you.........

You walk around the building all day, shiftlessly looking for fault in others. You have a sharp dressed useless look about you that may have worked for your interview, but now that you actually have responsibility, you pawn it off on overworked staff, hoping their talent will cover for your glaring ineptitude. In a world of managerial evolution, you are the blue-green algae that everyone else eats and laughs at. Managers like you are a sad proof of the Dilbert principle. Since this situation is unlikely to change without you getting a full frontal lobotomy reversal, I am forced to tender my resignation.

However, I have a few parting thoughts:

1. When someone calls you in reference to employment, it is illegal for you to give me a bad reference. The most you can say to hurt me is "I prefer not to comment." I will have friends randomly call you over the next couple of years to keep you honest, because I know you would be unable to do it on your own.

2. I have all the passwords to every account on the system, and I know every password you have used for the last five years. If you decide to get cute, I am going to publish your "favorites list", which I conveniently saved when you made me "back up" your useless files. I do believe that terms like "Lolita" are not usually viewed favorably by the company.

3. When you borrowed the digital camera to "take pictures of your Mother's birthday," you neglected to mention that you were going to take pictures of yourself in the mirror n.de. Then you forgot to erase them like the techno-moron you really are. Suffice it to say I have never seen such odd acts with a sauce bottle, but I assure you that those have been copied and kept in safe places pending the authoring of a glowing letter of reference.

(Try to use a spell check please; I hate having to correct your mistakes.)

Thank you for your time, and I expect the reference on my desk by 8:00 am tomorrow. One word of this to anybody, and all of your little twisted repugnant obsessions will be open to the public. Never f*** with your systems administrator. Why? Because they know what you do with all that free time!

Wishing you a grand and glorious day!
 
TECHNOLOGY - For country folk

LOG ON - Makin the stove hotter
LOG OFF - Coolin 'er down
MONITOR - Keepin an eye on 'er
DOWNLOAD - Gettin the farwood off'n the truck
MEGA HERTZ - When your not carefull gettin the farwood
FLOPPY DISC - Whutcha get from tryin ta tote too much farwood
RAM - That thar thang what splits farwood
HARD DRIVE - Gitten home in the winter time
WINDOWS - Whut ya shut when its cold outside
SCREEN - Whut ya shut in black fly season
BYTE - Whut the dang flys do
CHIP - Munchies for the TV
MICRO-CHIP - Whuts in the bottom of the munchie bag
MODEM - Whutcha did to dem hay fields
DOT MATRIX - Dots name after she got hitched to Dan Matrix
LAPTOP - Whar the kittie naps
KEYBOARD - Whar ya hang the truck keys
SOFTWARE - Them thar plastic knives and forks
MOUSE - Whut eats the grain in the barn
MOUSE PAD - Thets jus hippie talk for whar a mouse lives
MAINFRAME - Whut hold up the barn roof
PORT - Fancy schmancy flatlander wine
ENTER - Duh! How ya git in the house
CLICK - What ya hear when ya cock yer gun
DOUBLE-CLICK Whut ya hear when ya REALLY mean business
REBOOT - Whut ya hafta do right before bedtime to git to the outhouse
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top