the JOKE thread

An Irish Tradition

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

'Grandma,' he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like me father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!"
 
Grimspoon said:
An Irish Tradition

Paddy had long heard the stories of an amazing family tradition.

It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 18th birthday. On that special day, they'd each walked across the lake to the pub on the far side for their first legal drink.

So when Paddy's, 18th birthday came around, he and his pal Mick, took a boat out to the middle of the lake, Paddy, stepped out of the boat ...and nearly drowned!

Mick just barely managed to pull him to safety.

Furious and confused, Paddy, went to see his grandmother.

'Grandma,' he asked, "Tis me 18th birthday, so why can't I walk 'cross the lake like me father, his father, and his father before him?"

Granny looked deeply into Paddy's, troubled brown eyes and said, "Because ye father, ye grandfather and ye great-grandfather were all born in December, when the lake is frozen, and ye were born in August, ya fookin idiot!"
Click to expand...

lol good one
 
The South African Ambassador was being introduced to the Zambian Minister of Naval Affairs. The SA Ambassador laughed and said "You can't have a Ministry of Naval Affairs - Zambia is a land locked country!"

"Yes", responded the Zambian "but in South Africa you have a Ministry of Justice!”
 
In the aftermath of Osama Bin Laden's death, after 10 long years of searching, Hollywood directors have announced a movie will be made to commemorate the historic event.

Team America: World Police 2
 
Elton Johns New Song: Sandles in the bin

============================

Hansie Cronje and Bin Laden meet up when they died...

Hansie: "Howzit Binnie! How u doing?"

Bin Laden: "Im not paying you! i told you to crash into george bush not a bush near george!"
 
Matthew Pyke got stabbed 86 times after an internet gaming debate. I say that's fair enough.

Anyone who survived 85 stab wounds must have been cheating.
 
Osama Bin Laden has sealed his place in gaming history after finally being silenced after a 3000 kill streak.

That fucking camper!
 
Sony have announced that they plan to prosecute everyone who's hacked a PS3.

For their next project they're going to piss in the ocean to warm it up.
 
Lame joke I heard on 5FM. lol (yet I still laughed) (Fresh Drive)

Q: What do you call breasts in Afrikaans?




A: Die Heuwels Fantasties
 
Ma en pa vat hul vertraagde seuntjie, Marius, wildtuin toe. Marius is heel excited, venster oop gil en giggel en gaan aan. Die volgende oomblik storm 'n volstruis hom, pik hom dat die bloed spat. Dis net vere, geraas en chaos in die kar!!

Marius sit so terug vir 'n paar minute, kyk vir sy ma en sê: Fokken duif.
 
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the counter, which is filled to the brim with ten-dollar bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars in it and approaches the bartender to ask: "What's up with the jar?"

Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests, then you get all the money."

Man: "What are the three tests?"

Bartender: "Pay first. Those are the rules."

So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar.

Bartender: "OK, here's what you have to do. First you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila - the WHOLE thing at once - AND you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her."

Man: "Well, I know I've paid my ten bucks but I'm not an idiot; I won't do it. You have to be nuts to drink a gallon of tequila and get crazier from there."

Bartender: "Your call. But your money stays in the jar."

Well, as time goes on and the man drinks a few, he asks, "Wherez zat teeqeelah?"

He grabs the gallon of tequila with both hands and downs it with a big slurp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next he staggers out back and soon all the people inside hear a huge scuffle going on. They hear barking and screams, yelps, and growling, then eventually silence.

Just when they think the man must surely be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and big scratches all over his body.

"NOW," he says, "where's that woman with the sore tooth?
Click to expand...

/ten characters and all...
 
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