Oh, video games don’t scare you? Liar, liar, pants on fire. That’s just what you tell people so nobody ever suspects that every night you wake up, screaming, your body soaked in cold sweat and the name “Curry and Rice” on your trembling lips. But a clump of reanimated dehydrated turds with glowing eyes and kung-fu skills is just the beginning of this nightmare…
Berserker (Gears of War)
After being kicked off the Soviet gymnastics squad for failing her annual eye exam, the Berserker packed up her stuff and relocated to sunny Sera to make a new career in breaking things. She’s five tons of meat, scar tissue, and teeth, but she’s all woman.
They may be slow, awkward, and somewhat socially challenged, but they can break your legs with a single swing. So can the doors on that building over there, but that’s another problem altogether.
Harbinger (Mass Effect 2)
He’s a gigantic sentient war machine, he can possess ground units, and sometimes he talks about himself in the first person plural. He’s basically America, but with a slightly more aggressive foreign policy. Wait, no, it’s about the same.
Gatherer (Amnesia: The Dark Descent)
You wake up in a creepy castle with no memory of how you got there, or what’s going on. How could this possibly get any worse?
Poison Headcrab (Half-Life 2)
Don’t be fooled – it looks like a frozen chicken, but it’s way more dangerous than salmonella. If one of these things managed to get onto you, its neurotoxin injectors will knock your health down to just 1%. That time you ate an undercooked fajita was nothing compared to this.
Stalker (Dead Space 2)
Not just inspired by the velociraptors in Jurassic Park, but pretty much exactly the same only turned inside out.
Witch (Left 4 Dead)
Before everything went wrong with the world, she was a high school senior who’d just been dumped by her football star boyfriend for Kelly the head cheerleader. Now she’s spent so much time crying, her tear-blotted eyes mistakenly identify everybody who goes past as Brock, the jerk who, like, totally ruined her whole life right before prom, omg.
Guillotine trap (Prince of Persia)
You got so far, only to have it all end like this. Again.
Basically everything (Resident Evil series)
But let’s go with Resident Evil 4’s Bitores Mendez, because he looks like the illegitimate lovechild of Rasputin and a centipede. You can’t even kill it with fire.
Pyramid Head (Silent Hill 2)
Impossibly huge executioner’s cleaver? Check. Blood-spattered apron that’s probably made from the flayed bits of skin of previous victims? Check. Rusted metal cage where his head should be? Check. This game was made in Japan.
Which video game enemies have sent you off for a wardrobe change? Let us know in the comments below and on the MyGaming forum.